I just bought the Box a few days ago, but I read it and I love it and I am going to use it in my trainings. It is a very useful instrument to show people the wonder of resolve disputes in a pacific and negotiated way.
And if you can have some fun, better!
Thanks for designing a simple, thoughtful approach to working through conflict.
I’ve been a mediator for years and so I was curious about whether such a process could be captured in a box!
And, yes – you’ve done it! What I like is that it truly is a simple and elegant step-by-step method that can move anyone to more understanding. I can see so many applications too – in particular with peer mediators (supporting their peers to work it out with the box) but of course any two people can use it. Congratulations on the effort, research, wisdom and fun you’ve put into this game. Anyone would be lucky to own one!
I hate conflict as much as the next person. It’s annoying to have life take a nose dive. Still, as inconvenient as it is, I know it offers me another opportunity to really understand what I care about and where I’m going. At first, all you want to do is blame and accuse the other person of misbehaving in some way. For instance, the last conflict I had with my husband was, on the surface, about some ugly water pipes in the garden. Then, it became not about the water pipes, but about the way he responded to the issue. His response, in my mind, was a recurring problem, which escalated the whole bloody mess. When I finally made peace with the conflict it was because I realized that, deeper than my hope and expectation that we should always get along (which, of course, was threatened by the conflict) was the knowledge and desire that I want (and need) to take greater responsibility for the things I want to do and change. I must, unconsciously, avoid this responsibility by subtly suggesting to my husband that he do whatever it is I want done. He, of course, also unconsciously, resists living my life, in addition to his own. Without examining our dispute I would not have discovered a way forward. Our conflict, once again, opened my eyes, and offered me both the awareness of how often I wish or hope something I want will magically appear, and the opportunity to become my own agent for change, in this case, with water pipes. As is so often the case, in the end, my poor husband had little to do with it.
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